I self published my first book, a memoir, this past February and it was not without anxiety and a whole bunch of stress. It was a massive undertaking and one I was proud to surmount, yet I didn’t prepare for what came after— the creative come down.

Better known as Post- creative depression. It is a depressive episode that follows finishing often times major creative projects. For me it was the writing, and publishing of my book. As a creative professional I didn’t think I would have a depressive episode following the writing of the book— I was wrong.

I have extra time and I find I have no idea how to spend it. I want to jump into other creative projects but it feels impossible mostly because for one of the few times in my life my brain feels empty. I have no ideas, I have no compulsions to create, and nothing is getting me back into the groove.

In fact the other day I was hanging out with some good friends and we were doing a painting where we each worked on each others canvas’s. Anyways I have been involved in the arts since I was eight years old, yet that blank canvas before me just stayed blank in my mind. It increasingly got worse as each painting was handed to me and I really had no creative drive, ideas, or ability to add to them.

I still participated but that feeling of blankness was with me all day. That blank feeling is sitting there now as I have a book cover to design for a friend, and a logo to design for a well known local entity. I am in a creative slump, definitely a depression and I do not how or when I will pull out of it. I wish I would have known finishing my book would put me here but I am also realizing this isn’t something you can prepare for.

Fingers crossed I pull out of this soon!